Category Archives: Art



Original Oil Painting “One”

What it represents to me.

What it means to me is acceptance, of the world, of the way things are, in all its complexity. Even if I don’t understand a lot of things.

It’s about learning that in life things of opposite nature live close side by side and without one you cannot have the other: Ying and Yang, female and male, negative and positive, dark and light, opulence and poverty, life and death.

I was thinking a lot about dualities and my attitude towards it.

A few years ago, I was invited to a party, in someone’s home or what seemed more like a museum/castle. This person seemed to have the whole world and all that is available in it – the best! Family, money that will never run out, social standing, good health, looks…

I was happy and grateful to be invited of course…but afterwards for several days  it had an interesting effect on me…something I did not expect…not at all positive.

I found myself incredibly depressed and crying a lot, things weren’t making sense and I just couldn’t understand how there could be such extremes in the world.

It’s one thing to kind of know about it and a completely different thing when it’s staring you right in the face.

Just days before going to this party I accidentally came across something on the internet; it was a statistic about homeless children in Russia. I am Russian by the way, I was born in Estonia and came to US when I was 15.

It said that it was estimated that there are between million and five million homeless children living in Russia. One of the stories was about a 6 year old homeless boy, who was buying glue in the store, (a lot of homeless children there sniff glue…beyond heart wrenching…) a cop saw him, took away his glue and squeezed out the entire bottle on top of his head. Yes, a 6 year old child! I felt that my insides turned, I wanted to lay down on the floor in fetal position and cry my eyes out from the intensity, cruelty and injustices of the world.

Every emotion came rushing in, engulfing me in a tidal wave of confusion. My own life experiences came to mind…my childhood, where I grew up…

I grew up in Estonia, which used to be part of Russia. Mom worked 2, 3 jobs, going to university and raising me as a single mom without any support, except my grandmother, who was living on the opposite side of the country.

We had to live in this old communal house, government controlled the living situation…what is communal house? It’s basically a tiny room…you walk in the wing where we lived, there is a long hallway, along the sides were doors to the rooms where each family lived. There was a communal kitchen, with 2 stoves, 1 sink, no hot water, no bathtub or any kind of bathing facility, just a toilet that basically was a hole in the ground.

I remember the tiny window in the bathroom, it felt so creepy there…I had nightmares for so many years about living there, in my dreams I was always trapped in that house, trying to escape as it’s collapsing or being submerged under water.

It was a house of horrors, the walls had such large cracks you could put your entire fist in there…there were some epic spider webs, the whole house was infested with bugs and rodents. One night the rat crawled inside our radio (this radio was very old school and big), it was squeaking all night and my mother couldn’t do anything about it.

The neighbors weren’t kind, they would get enraged when my mom played classical music and treat us with a lot of hate. It’s like they thought that my mom thought she was better than them because she had an education and class.

We lived there for 12 years. At one point it was my mom, my stepfather, my newborn sister and me in one tiny room.

When my sister was close to year, the three of us went to the mayor’s office to declare hunger strike, that’s the only option we had to get out of there, to finally demand healthy living conditions. My mom is my hero on so many levels.

So yeah, that’s a super short story of my background. It’s hard to take that much of opposites, it’s hard to process it in my mind. If someone told me when I was little that I would be living the way I do now and in US I would have probably died from happiness.

It isn’t that I wanted to live in that big mausoleum of a house or have the social standing, I never cared much about that, it was just that it was really hard for me to accept things that were on such opposite sides of the spectrum.

But it definitely took a lot of soul searching to make amends with my past and to accept life with all its variety of dualities and experiences.  I count my blessings every day for having come such a long way from where we started and for so many good things in my life.

I am also grateful for so many hardships along the way, they shaped who I am today, helped me to have courage and ignited the passion within me for life.

I also strongly believe that all those experiences have led me to discover myself as an artist.  It’s like a whole mix of good and bad that made way for something higher and beautiful.  That’s probably why I feel so strongly about seeking out beauty in life, wherever I may find it.


“Art is to cons…

“Art is to console those who are broken by life.”
― Vincent van Gogh

Self-awareness and meaning of eyes




What it means to me 
As a young child I was fascinated with the expression “eyes are the windows to a soul”, I thought about it many times, what it really means. I watched people, how their eyes changed with different emotion, how sometimes an emotion could be conveyed through eyes without a single word. It has become one of my favorite subjects, especially in surrealism.The eyes mean many different things to me, knowledge, your highest power, spirit, soul, an observer within us. Eyes turned in many different directions meeting in the middle also represent self-awareness to me, seeking wisdom and expanding your own vision to seek beyond what you may know or understand.

The eye as a symbol has been around almost as long as man has been drawing. Different cultures and societies have incorporated the eye as a symbol of knowledge, providence , and divine direction. The eye is a powerful symbol representing not only the search for wisdom but also the need for protection from a higher power that watches from above.


Many cultures have used the eye as a symbol. In ancient myths, the eye is associated with a higher vision. According to Gerald Massey, author of “Ancient Egypt – The Light of the World,” “The eye was a great emblem of great magical and protecting power.” The eye of Horus symbolized the moon and the eye of Sut symbolized the sun. In India, the Eye of Siva is known as an all-seeing eye. During the Renaissance, the eye was a symbol for magic. According the Charles Vail, author of “The Ancient Mysteries and Modern Masonry,” in Masonry, the all-seeing eye symbolizes the “sight that annals time and space”. In other words, the eye represents “higher clairvoyance”. In the Lodge of the Masons, the eye also symbolizes the “Omniscience of God.” On the American dollar bill, it represents a guiding, protective force.

The Facts

The eye has been used as a symbol for thousands of years. It appears in ancient hieroglyphics and it is still used today. It is commonly used because it is recognizable in all societies regardless of language. The Eye of Horus is one of the most recognizable eye symbols in the world. Another one of the most popular symbols of the eye can be seen on the American dollar bill. This eye is known as the Eye of Providence. The words “Annuit Coeptis,” written above the eye, mean “favor” and “endeavor” respectively, which can be translated to mean providence favoring American endeavors.


The symbol of the eye might mean different things to different cultures, but it is almost always associated with knowledge, foresight, power and/or protection. The eye itself is a powerful organ and all kinds of sight and knowledge are valuable. The symbol of an eye represents this significance. Divine guidance is also represented with an all-seeing eye.
• The significance of the symbol of the eye remains in the function of the eye and the importance what and how we view things. In addition, many societies function under the notion that they are guided by a higher power, symbolized with a single eye watching over creation.