It is so encouraging when you notice a change within yourself that is for the better.
No matter, how small, learn to celebrate your victories!
Yesterday I was sitting in the meditation class, annoyed that my leg kept going to sleep and I wasn’t used to sitting with crossed legs for such long periods of time. And then, all the sudden I caught myself thinking in too many directions as I was fidgeting and I gently brought my attention back to focus, I took a few slow, deep breaths and felt everything in me slowing down and being calm. I imagined a pond of cool, clean, calm water and surprised myself at how I was able to turn around that moment. Especially with some very distressing news I’ve gotten about someone in my family right before class.
I felt a surge of gratitude wash over me, I felt grateful for that class, that place, the teacher and an opportunity to be there, in the silence, feeling warm and safe.
I am writing this down today, because I want to hold on to that special feeling. Even when things may seem like they’re upside down, you can still be in control, maybe not over the situation, but definitely over your own self, your reactions and how you deal with things.
Today, I was thinking about it more, because the situation still hasn’t been resolved, even though it’s not affecting me directly, but in a way it does. I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about it, it’s one of the first things I thought about this morning, so yeah, I guess it did affect me.
When something happens to someone in your family, it does have an effect on you, no matter what the circumstances or the nature of your relationship with that person. You still care and you can’t turn it off.
Today, I realized that because I love myself I have to protect myself. Not just from others, but also protect myself from my own feelings.
You know that moment, when you watch a movie as the story unfolds, you watch the unjust actions of the antagonist and you experience the feelings of anger and unfairness, so much sometimes that you want to reach into your television and punch that character, I am kidding of course. But there is some truth to that, in the duration of that movie you experience real feelings even though you know in your mind that this is just a movie and those are some handsomely paid actors.
When the extreme and unjust actions and behaviors coming from your sibling towards your parent, you feel that even more intensely. Even though you know, this is not productive for anyone and not benefiting you in any way…you still feel an intense feeling of unfairness and something unresolved. The unresolved concoction of feelings is still there, because you want to fix it somehow, to prevent it from happening again, you want to feel that all is right in the world.
But often times the solution doesn’t come…and things stay the same…and the person who is acting what can only be described as an ungrateful, evil troll or a person who has lost all connection with their own spirit, soul, and anything sacred in the world goes unpunished and unstopped.
It’s kind of like watching a horrible accident in slow motion, unable to change the course of events in any way.
What I realized, is that reaction is perfectly normal, it’s like a knee jerk reaction at first, but once you process it, you can’t let it continue caring you towards the chaos. Otherwise you might find yourself feeling like you’re drowning in the powerful force of the running river of emotions.
Just like I was able to slow down my breathing, my thinking and my intense feelings in my meditation, the same way we can shift our focus on the good things.
We all deserve to be happy and to be good to ourselves. Letting yourself experience the extremely negative feelings of anger, even hate, wanting to inflict violence on the antagonist, frustrations and feelings of unfairness aren’t good for your body, mind or spirit. It is so important to remember that, no matter what, especially when things are intense.
This is the perfect time to meditate, to reflect on all the good things in your life, go over affirmations or gratitude list, on anything positive or what makes you happy. I think the point is to turn your focus to the positive. Positive feelings and emotions have a positive effect on your health and overall wellbeing.
Life feels different when you learn that you do have control, not over another person obviously or even circumstances, but you absolutely do have control over your emotions and the way you allow yourself experience life.
Be good to yourselves, live, learn, grow, evolve, LOVE.